Week 39 is fun. Last week my husband was panicking because our friends decided that we are not ready enough and have no idea what is expecting us. Besides that, everybody had a need to give him all the horror stories possible. So he kept coming home wondering if we should try to get my non-traveling family to come over, if he will know what to do with me, if I will cope. How will he know how far my labour progressed? Will he be checking it? (NO NO NO). What if the baby needs some help? What if the umbilical cord is around its neck?
My midwife - as I am lucky to see the same one every time I go for my check, will be on holiday next week and he took it as a personal insult. Somehow, in his head, he assumed that she will be holding my hand through all of my labour. How did he even think it is beyond me, the fact that she has got the clinic in my GP surgery doesn't mean she will be around while I am giving birth, does it? I never thought so, but here we go, he was really upset about it and I am glad he wasn't able to come to the last appointment with me.
I really like my midwife and thanks to that I have an absolute trust in all of her team and whoever will be assisting me during the birth of my child. But ultimately, it is my job to birth the child, so I have an absolute trust in me and my baby. We will make it.
It doesn't matter that I don't have a family which will come over or many friends. I prepared very well, I am calm. If people assume that my calmness is due to ignorance they should first find out how ready I am (and how ready I helped my wonderful husband to get!) before unnerving my birth partner. What are friends for again?
But over the last weekend I was panicking myself. We were practicing how to put together the pram, how to put the car seat in and I couldn't get it at first. I started panicking that I will be horrible mother once the baby is here! I am very fine about my pregnancy and about the labour but now I have to start to look further and it is indeed scary.
What am I supposed to do with the baby? How do I bring it up? Looking back, I have a feeling I brought myself up, I remember being quite reasonable as a child. But of course I needed my parents a lot. Will I be any good at parenting?
There was a video sent to us by another helpful soul about the four kind of cries. Apparently babies usually need one of the four things so a well tuned parent will recognize by the cry what it is, helps the baby swiftly and never ever ends up with endlessly crying frustrated baby. I didn't hear any big difference between the apparently different cries and when I thought I did I couldn't remember what it was for.
'Can I just leave once the baby is out? It's only fair, I carried it around for a very long time, it's your turn now!'
My husband found it amusing. Where will I go? No idea.
But it was last week. Now all is well in Real household. We decided that our team works well and we will take it forward one step at a time.
I am huge. Baby is engaged and wiggles a lot, I suppose it is annoyed with the lack of space. I am inviting it out: more than enough stretching and kicking space out here! I hope we will have birth on term. I don't want to be induced. And I am tired, I don't sleep well, I am slow. I try to stay active as much as I can as I feel better that way but in the evenings I am finished - as if I was on a trek. I am also afraid to go too faraway by myself. So over the weekend my husband took some walks with me but during the week I am very careful and scared to go for a swim by myself. It is apparently quite normal.
Most of all, I am ready. It is Spring now and I am having a Spring baby. It woke me up at 5.30, all excited about the equinox (probably). So come! Anytime!